Abiding Notes is a simple collection of reflections and moments from the week—snapshots of life and faith in the middle of full days. My hope is that these small notes encourage you to pause, look to Christ, and keep abiding in Him with grace and hope.
1 Wrestling To Receive
Okay, so taking February to immerse myself in the topic of love maybe seems a little cliché. Heart-shaped cookies, Valentine’s Day stuffies and gifts at the stores are regular, visible reminders to celebrate love.
But I find myself stuck when it comes to thinking, and writing, about love.
I’m realizing, once again, the shame I continue to carry when confronted with God’s gracious, steadfast, powerful love. I know this to be true. But I wrestle to receive it.
Perhaps coming out of a month pondering disordered desires and self-control made me all too aware of my sin, my failings, my imperfections. I’m reminded of my unworthiness and how undeserving I am of His grace and mercy.
But this is the turning point, isn’t it? “That while we were sinners, Christ died for us.” (Rom. 5:8)
Here’s where knowing God’s love and receiving it moves from head to heart. And I’m in awe. My own love is imperfect, toward my husband, my kids, my friends, and the Lord. I find myself sitting in this familiar pit of shame again, but, like an outstretched hand, the invitation presents to revisit the reality God already knows and loves me anyway.
God’s love is unlike ours. It’s unchanging. It’s steadfast.
Most of the time, my definition of love has been shaped by what I can observe—someone who loves me does this or doesn’t do that. But my expectations are high, we fail each other. I disappoint those I love, and they disappoint me too.
Often, I carry this pattern into my relationship with God. If I’m honest, I sometimes believe that when I mess up, God’s love pulls back—just like human love can. But the truth of God’s Word tells me something different: even though I am faithless, fickle, and fledgling in my efforts, His love is perfect, constant, and unshakeable.
Lord give me the grace to receive this truth and to worship you for the wonder of your steadfast love for me.
2 A Liking Kind of Love
And as I’m still unpacking my shame, a question arises: does God even like me?
Ps. 149:4 tells us that God takes pleasure in his people.
God who knows everything about us—past and present. This kind of intimate knowledge can feel exposing or even unsettling.
There are times when I’ve wondered whether others would accept all of who I am—my quirks, my interests, even my requests for prayer. I’ve held back from sharing, even in friendships and ministry contexts, unsure of how it being me changes how others see me.
Tim Keller puts it perfectly: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” 1
When I’ve felt like I wasn’t “enough” for the people closest to me, it’s hard to believe that God’s love won’t waver in the same way. Scripture teaches me I can do nothing to earn His love—it is freely given. When I feel shame over my quirks, my personality, or the way I’m wired, the love of God reminds me that He created me with intention and delight—that He has already accepted me and adopted me as His child. And when I choose self over others, pride over humility, or gratification over self-control, I’m tempted to think I’ve ruined everything. But God’s love meets me even there. His grace restores, drawing me back in repentance, not rejection.
We despair of ourselves, while God already knows us—completely—and still loves us. He invites us into relationship, not on the basis of our perfection, but because of His. So we have security, because “in Christ you are known and not despised”2
Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me, for accepting me for calling me your own.
3 Love On Display
I expect others to love me sacrificially, but isn’t it way harder to do the same for others?
I find it’s easier to love and serve my kids because it seems they need me more than my husband. Assuming he can take care of things on his own, while their needs are “urgent.”
But, as it’s innately sacrificial, love can be draining. I remember this from the mission field. You’d expect to feel a burst of supernatural energy in ministry, because it’s work for God’s kingdom. Instead, it was often exhausting. Overnight hospital runs, regular requests for house calls in sickness, language mishaps, resistance to prayer and the gospel, seemed to deplete our energy. Acts of obedience, as is all of our love.
When we assume love will be comfortable, we neglect the reality love is costly.
“In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him” (1 Jn 4:9) It wasn’t because we loved God that He sent Christ, rather He initiated it, to atone for our sin. His idea, His sending, His sacrifice.
The gospel is such good news. We don’t receive God’s love based on our merit, but on His mercy. This definitely means we take no credit and can’t strive to earn it. But just as it cost the Lord Jesus, it will cost us in turn.
The greatest commandment, Jesus tells us, is to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Wholeheartedly. Devotedly.
Not just on Sunday during the worship service. Not just when we’re still in prayer. Not just when our Bible is cracked open.
It’s the raw and messy kind of love. The forgiveness of those who’ve wronged us, the growing awareness of our disordered desires, and increasing capacity to confess and repent from our sin. The posture of our hearts surrendered to the Lord in every compartment of our life.
Lord Jesus, search my heart to reveal what keeps me from loving you wholeheartedly. Give me the courage to repent and turn to You.
In Abiding
If you’ve wrestled with receiving God’s love, I’d invite you to explore this helpful book by Glenna Marshall
Here’s a few reflection questions to help you contemplate your own understanding and experience of God’s love:
Where are you tempted to hide—either from others or from God—and what would it look like to bring that into the light of His love?
Are you living like you’re loved by God—or like you still have to earn it?
What parts of yourself have you been withholding, and how might believing you are fully known and truly loved begin to change that?
This week, could you risk being honest with someone—or with God—about what’s really going on in your heart?
Ask yourself: Do I really believe God knows me completely and still loves me fully? Why or why not?
Thanks for being here! Have a great day!
Amber
~SDG
Tim Keller, The Meaning of Marriage
Glenna Marshall, Known & Loved, p.32