Personal Curriculum Notes #1 | Self-Control
When facing disordered desires and I'm surprised by joy
I started a project this year.1
It’s a little raw and still taking shape, but each month I’m focusing on one fruit of the Spirit—praying, reading, and paying attention to how God forms us slowly, often quietly, in the everyday rhythms of life.
These notes are simply what I’m noticing along the way—places of resistance, growth, and grace—as I learn to abide and trust the Spirit’s work.
Spending the month focused on self-control felt a bit weighty. As a recovering perfectionist, I was surprised to find that I wasn’t pulled into self-condemnation, but into a growing awareness of where my desires are disordered—and a desire to notice them, bring them before God, and seek His grace and mercy.
Practically, this showed up in a couple of areas. I worked on being more intentional with my eating—reducing my carb intake—and with my reading habits, especially the ways I’m prone to using books to escape rather than face uncomfortable feelings or challenging circumstances.
What surprised me most, though, was joy.
In a conversation a few weeks ago, someone shared that the seasons of her life marked by greater self-control were also marked by greater joy.
I’ve noticed the same.
Looking back through my journal, I realized that January often brings a dip in mood as the winter blues set in. This year, however, I’ve felt more joyful—and more able to lean into the work God is doing in and around me. I’m deeply grateful for God’s grace in this.
Here are a few highlights from my journey.
1. Self-control is about desire before it’s about behavior.
Jesus tells us that actions flow from the heart (Matthew 12:34). I used to think of self-control mainly in terms of restraint—what I should stop doing. This month helped me see that behavior is downstream from desire. What I do reveals what I love, fear, or trust in that moment.
2. The problem isn’t that I desire too much—it’s that I desire poorly.
Paul describes the tension between the flesh and the Spirit as an ongoing conflict (Galatians 5:16–17). I don’t lack desire; my desires are often disordered. Good things become ultimate things, and when that happens, wants start masquerading as needs.
3. Self-control does not come naturally to me.
Scripture reminds us that following Christ involves daily self-denial (Luke 9:23). We live in a culture that encourages indulgence and avoidance, and I feel how easily I drift in that direction. Discipleship without self-denial is incomplete.
4. A lack of self-control often reveals a lack of trust.
Titus reminds us that God’s grace trains us to say no to ungodliness while we wait for Christ (Titus 2:11–14). Giving in—to frustration, escape, or excess—is often doubting God’s provision and care.
5. Discipline can easily turn into self-righteousness.
Jesus warns against becoming white-washed tombs, a self-righteousness that feeds our pride (Matthew 23:27). So, sometimes growth brings its own danger. Without grace, discipline becomes comparison, and formation shifts into performance.
6. Willpower is not the solution.
The psalmist reminds us that joy is found in God’s presence (Psalm 16:11). I’m learning that desire is displaced, not defeated. True self-control grows as my affections are reordered toward what is truly good.
7. My body belongs to the Lord.
Paul writes that the body is for the Lord, and the Lord for the body (1 Corinthians 6:13). Self-control flows not from contempt for the body, but from belonging and our union with Christ.
8. When I grow weary, I must look outside myself.
We are told to fix our eyes on Jesus, who endured the cross for the joy set before Him (Hebrews 12:2–3). When my gaze turns inward, the battle grows heavy. Looking to Christ steadies me.
9. Honesty creates space for growth.
Scripture calls us to walk in the light (1 John 1:7). Naming struggles—before God and with others—loosens shame’s grip. Secrecy starves formation; grace feeds it.
This month didn’t make me finished or flawless. But it did help me be more attentive—to my desires, to God’s kindness, and to the slow work of grace.
May we become fruitful as we thrive in grace.
Resource List
This was my curriculum list for the month:
I spent time studying and meditating on Galatians 5:16-26, Titus 2:11-14, Romans 6, 1 Cor 6:12-20
Galatians For You by Timothy Keller (on Galatians 5, re-read)
Fruitful Theology by Ronni Kurtz (ch.10 Self-Control, re-read; My Review)
Deep Roots, Good Fruit by Kristin Couch (ch.9 Self-Control, re-read: My Review)
Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges (ch.13 On Lack of Self-Control, re-read; My Review)
Dopamine Nation by Anne Lembke2
I listened to Hunter Beless interview Blair Linne on the topic of self-control.
And Timothy Keller’s sermon on the topic as well.
I started The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges and The Truth About Lies by Tim Chaddick, but wasn’t able to finish these by the end of the month.
* Next up….Love ❤️
This a general market book, has some insightful nuggets, but as the topic is addiction (related to my work in mental health), including sexual addiction, I’d give a warning here that some illustrations are cringe-worthy—just so you’re aware this will not be for everyone.